Trust Me
by WishFlower
Summary: Sam has a sudden tragedy in her life, making her destroy her relationships out of fear. Throughout it all, she becomes closer to her sister and learns to trust again. Some seddie rated T for character death and sexual scenes.


**A/N this is something i came up with at my cottage in the middle of the night. I don't own icarly and i hope you like this. **

Sam felt the crowds of people moving around her like an ocean around an island. Her only anchor was Carly's warm hand that Sam grasped tightly in her own. The two girls were seated on a bench facing the arrival gate at the Seattle airport. Spencer, their ride to the airport, was wandering about a gift shop not too far away. Sam felt Carly shift her weight next to her and closed her eyes. Images, from that night, filled her mind. Sam sitting alone at home, waiting for her mother. Picking up the phone to hear about the accident. Sitting between Carly and Freddie at the hospital. A doctor shaking his head. Standing in an empty hallway at the hospital clutching her cell phone, knowing she had to call her sister, but being unable to.

People began pouring in from the gateway and Sam watched as they were greeted by their loved ones. A young woman leaped into a man's arm and started to cry from joy. A man was welcomed home by his excited children. A group of girls, barely older than Sam, left the gate shrieking and laughing. And finally a skinny young woman with blonde curls that fell to just past her shoulders and red-rimmed eyes.

Sam's sister was different. Her usual chirpy smile was replaced with down-turned lips and hollow eyes. Her hair was pulled off her face with a clip but fell in limp waves down her back. But most surprising was her absence of panty-hose or make up and other such beauty products. Melanie was wearing grey track pants and a black t-shirt with clean white running shoes. She was dragging a black suitcase behind her and had a purple bag hanging over her shoulder. Sam was surprised to see how small her sister looked under the harsh fluorescent lights. Her shoulders were slightly bowed from the weight of grief and her body more petite and slender then Sam remembered. She wondered if that was what she looked like to other people.

As soon as Melanie saw her, she was running towards her twin. She collapsed in Sam's arms in a fit of tears. Melanie sobbed against her sister as Sam stood still as a statue. She wouldn't do this here. Not in front of a whole airport full of people. She wasn't some sort of show to be gawked at and whispered about. Sam gently pushed Melanie away, and her twin wiped her eyes.

"Hi." Melanie whispered when she caught her breath.

"Hi." Sam muttered, avoiding looking at her sister all together.

They didn't talk about it. Of course they didn't. That was the Puckett way. When someone leaves, forget about them and move on. Don't dwell on the past. That's the way it was with her sister, when she left for school. That's the way it was with her father, when he vanished off the face of the earth. This was no different.

Sam didn't touch her sister. They didn't hold hands or lean against each other. Sam didn't want to rely on Melanie any more than she had to. Spencer pulled Melanie's suitcase out of the airport and Carly carried her purple bag. Melanie and Sam walked a few feet in front of them, next to each other but not speaking.

The drive from the airport was silent. Carly sat up front with Spencer and the twins sat in the back. Everyone was staring out their own window in silence. Even Spencer was being unusually subdued.

"Sam, Melanie," Carly began tentatively. "Would you like to stay with us for a little while?"

"No thank you." Sam said immediately. Melanie said nothing.

"Sam-" Carly started again.

"We need to go home. We need to be alone." Sam spoke for her sister, knowing exactly what her sister needed. It was just like when they were younger. Sam remembered a distant memory. Someone was bullying Melanie at the playground, and Sam just _knowing _even though she was by the slide and Melanie was at the monkey bars. She remembered Melanie's smile afterwards and her declaration that they were psychic, they had Twin Telepathy. Sam had the sudden urge to cry.

Spencer pulled up outside Sam's house. For the first time, she took a good look at it. It was definitely in the rough part of town. The grass was in dire need of a cut and was fried brown in some spots. The windows were dirty and smudged. The white paint was peeling off the house. Cigarette butts and empty beer bottles littered the property.

_We look like white trash, _Sam thought, feeling ashamed for the first time in her life. She hurried to unlock the front door, jiggling the key in the lock because it was the only way to make the door open. She pushed open the slightly warped door and flicked on the light in the dim doorway. Shoes cluttered the floor in front of the door and the house reeked strongly of alcohol, smoke and cheap perfume. A staircase faced the front door and beside that was the kitchen and passed that was the living room. Filthy grey carpet covered the floor. Sam vaguely remembered that the carpet used to be pale blue. The kitchen had dirty dishes on every countertop and mostly expired food in the fridge. The living room hadn't been re-decorated since the 1980's.

This was the first time in ten years of friendship that Carly had ever seen her house. Carly's eyes were wide as they took in the pastel pink walls of the living room and the neon green couch with the brown stain from when Sam accidently spilt her chilli there four years ago. Sam glanced over at her sister to see her face was lowered in embarrassment.

"Thanks for driving us home." Sam said quickly. "I'll call you later."

She pushed her friend towards the door, but Carly resisted.

"Freddie's been asking about you." She said quietly. Sam froze.

Carly took this as an opportunity to keep pressing her. "He says he's so sorry if he did anything to hurt you, he said he doesn't understand why you're mad at him. He wants to get back together and he told me to tell you that he loves you."

Sam wanted Carly out of her house _now. _ She couldn't deal with this now; she didn't even want to think about it, not with everything else that was going on.

"I'll call you later, Carls." Sam repeated and shut the door in her best friend's face.

Sam stood in the doorway for a second longer then ran upstairs to her room. She knew it was childish, but she slammed her bedroom door anyway. She curled up on her unmade bed and tried to fight the tears she could feel building up behind her eyes. She had never felt so alone. Everyone was gone, and it was her own fault.

She remembered, in order, the people who had left her. Her father. She recalled waking up one morning in June and not being able to find him in the house anywhere. She and Melanie looked and looked and looked for him, but their mother never did. She knew that he had gone for good. Sam was only six. Sam knew that her father had left because of her, because just the night before she couldn't find him, she had spilled her glass of milk by accident and her father had gotten mad. If she had been a little less clumsy and a little more careful, he wouldn't have left. At least, that's what she thought when she was six.

Sam remembered Melanie leaving. It was at the end of August, of that year when Melanie went off to some fancy boarding school in New York. It was a full paid scholarship and Pam Puckett was grateful for one less mouth to feed, as well as the bragging rights that came along with her daughter being accepted. Melanie was Sam's best friend and it killed her that she was leaving, just like her daddy. She had begged and begged her sister not to leave her, but Melanie said she had to go. Sam couldn't bear that her twin was abandoning her as well as her father. Sam needed Melanie so badly, but it was clear Melanie did not need her. Sam knew then that it was better to not ever need someone, because when they left it wouldn't hurt as much. Melanie only came back a few times a year. She spent most of her summer vacation away with her fancy rich friends in Paris or Croatia or Rome. She also spent a lot of time with their grandparents (Pam's mom and dad) who lived in California. During the Christmas break, Melanie would arrive on Christmas Eve and leave on Boxing Day. Sam got a few emails a year and always some ridiculously girly birthday present, like the friendship bracelet making kit she got from her sister when she was thirteen. The fact that Melanie had left her when Sam needed her most was the reason that Sam would always, always hate her sister.

And now her mother was gone. Sam tried to tell herself that she didn't care, that it wasn't a big deal but she knew it wasn't true. Pam Puckett wasn't a great mom, hell she wasn't even an okay mom, but she was still Sam's mother. Sam remembered the feeling of shock and horror when she got the phone call from the police station saying that her mother had been involved in a drunk driving accident and she was now at the Intensive Care unit in the hospital. The first person she called was Freddie. He and Carly picked her up in Freddie's chizzy old car and sat on either side of her while she waited to find out more. When she watched the doctor slowly shake his head, she knew. She put her right hand over her face and hunched her shoulders. She allowed herself one moment of over-whelming grief, before she got up and phoned her sister. Melanie broke down on the phone. Sam hung up on her.

That's when she lost Freddie. She walked back into the waiting room and broke up with him. Things had been slightly strained between them anyway, and she didn't want their relationship anymore. She didn't want to love him, didn't want to need him. Because now that her mother was gone, Sam was so overcome with a sadness she tried to hide, she knew if Freddie left her, she would die. She was so emotionally destroyed inside; one more loss would ruin her. He argued and refused at first, but she kicked him and ran off while he was yelping in pain. She left him before he could leave her.

And now Carly. Sam shut her out by slamming a door in her face. She knew Carly would now leave as well. Sam curled up tighter. She couldn't deal with this anymore. She wondered if there was some place for the people who have lost every single person they loved in their life. Probably a retirement home.

Sam wryly remembered her short time in Troubled Water's Mental Institution. She laughed at herself now, for thinking she was crazy for liking Freddie. She still got butterflies remembering how he had stormed over to her and kissed her to stop her furious ramblings. She wouldn't be kissing him anymore.

A light knock interrupted her train of thought. Sam groaned, knowing there was only one person in the house to knock on her door.

"GO AWAY!" Sam screamed at her door.

"Sam, I really think we should talk." Melanie said in her prim little voice.

"NO!" Sam shouted back.

"Sam, I made bacon." Melanie said, dangling the only carrot she had. Sam wavered. "Please, Sam." Melanie said, sounding scarily close to tears. Sam opened her door.

Melanie led her down to the kitchen. Sam paused in the doorway. Melanie had cleaned the entire kitchen. Dishes from two weeks ago were scrubbed and put away. Food stains were washed off and only edible food remained in the fridge. But what mostly caught her eye was the humungous tray of bacon on the kitchen table. She dropped into a chair and started stuffing her face.

Melanie sat across from her clutching a mug of coffee. Sam hated the stuff, it tasted like dirt.

"Sam, I want to talk about this with you." Melanie said softly.

Sam didn't know why people always wanted to _talk _about things. It was so much easier to ignore your problems until they went away on their own.

"Sam, listen to me." Melanie said in the same sweet voice. "We need to make arrangements for... for the funeral. And we need to decide what we're going to do with this house. The mortgage is all paid off, but do you really want to continue living here? Where are you even going for University? We're eighteen now, which means that we're on our own."

"I've always been on my own." Sam muttered.

"Sam-"

"Forget it." Sam snatched the tray of bacon and stormed up to her room.

Sam stayed in her room for the rest of the night. She must've fallen asleep sometime, because she was jarred awake at 3:04 by the creaking of the door. The light in the hallway lit her sister up. Sam groggily took in her Hello Kitty pajamas and uncertain expression.

"Can I stay in here tonight?" She asked softly. "My room feels weird."

"Probably because mom and her ex-boyfriend Dave the porn star had sex in there like four times. It was loud." Sam mumbled.

Melanie crinkled her nose in disgust. "Okay then I'm definitely sleeping in here."

She leaped over the piles of dirty laundry Sam had strewn across the room and landed neatly in Sam's double bed. She slithered under the purple covers and turned to face her twin. It was an old routine. The girls would often sleepover in each other's rooms when they were younger. They haven't had a sleepover in years.

Their knees were touching and their faces were about a foot apart. At such a close difference, Sam could notice the fine details about her sister's face. They were identical, but were easy to differentiate if you knew them well. For example, Melanie had a mole at the end of her left eyebrow that Sam didn't. Melanie's eyes were also a paler shade that Sam's. Sam had a scar underneath her right ear from a fight. Melanie was half an inch taller. Melanie's face was more slender than Sam's, but she had a few freckles on her nose that Sam knew she loathed. Melanie's ears were pierced and her hair was about three inches shorter than Sam's waist-length mane. Melanie's eyes were rounder but Sam's were bigger. Melanie's eyebrows were higher on her face, giving her a permanently surprised expression.

They were two sides of the same coin. Melanie was literally Sam's other half. While Carly was like a sister to Sam, she knew that no one knew her better than Melanie. The two girls had been best friends when they were younger, and even after Melanie had gone off to school, Sam could sometimes still feel her. If Melanie was extremely upset or excited, Sam could sort of... feel it. Twin Telepathy, she thought wryly.

After a moment of silence, Melanie asked in a voice so low, Sam could barely hear it, "Why do you hate me?"

"I don't hate you." Sam's first instinct was to lie to her sister. She tried to turn away, but Melanie grabbed her arm.

"Sam," Melanie whispered. "I know ever since I left for school, you've been angry at me. You never email me or talk to me unless you have to. You don't even tell people I exist!"

"Then why did you leave in the first place?" Sam burst out. "It was only two months since dad left, and then you did too! It wasn't fair!"

Melanie's eyes softened with sympathy, "Oh, Sam." She said quietly. "You know I submitted my application to the school months before dad left. I just found out about it at the wrong time."

Sam always seemed to forget that part when she was looking back. She scowled and looked away.

"I wasn't leaving _you, _Sam. I was leaving because I was proud to be accepted to such a prestigious school. I thought you would be proud of me too. But when you wouldn't answer my letters or speak to me on the phone, and I admit I was hurt. I think that's when the distance between us grew."

"Oh." Was all Sam could say.

Melanie had a bittersweet smile on her face. She lightly grasped Sam's hand, and for once, Sam didn't let go.

Sam woke up the next morning to the smell of bacon and an empty bed. Melanie seemed to be in the kitchen making breakfast. Sam made her way down the hall to the stairs. As she got closer to the kitchen, she could hear voices. Melanie had company over, it appeared. It wasn't until she got to the bottom of the stairs and walked into the kitchen, did she finally realize who Melanie had in the kitchen.

"Sam!" Freddie exclaimed, relief heavy in his eyes.

She immediately turned to run back up the stairs, but he moved too fast. He gently grabbed her arm and held her there. Sam scowled and refused to look at him. Vainly, she wished she had bothered to change before coming downstairs. She was wearing blue and black checked boxers and a loose black t-shirt. Her hair was a mess and she wasn't even wearing a bra for God's sake!

Melanie, of course, looked adorable in her pajamas. She was wearing pink Hello Kitty pajamas pants and a lacy white camisole. Her hair was two cute braids and she looked refreshed and wide awake.

"Freddie stopped by, Sam." Melanie said unnecessarily.

"Did he really?" Sam said sarcastically.

Melanie flushed and turned back to the stove. Freddie pulled Sam out into the hall, but didn't let go of her arm.

"Sam, we really need to talk." He said earnestly. "I know now is not a good time, but every time I try to get in contact with you, you manage to avoid me."

"Then take a hint." She muttered savagely and ripped her arm away. She bolted into the kitchen, hoping he would leave. No such luck. He followed her in but seemed to drop the conversation for now.

Sam wouldn't look at him. She focused on the heaping plate of bacon and eggs her twin had placed in front of her. Freddie was awkwardly standing and gestured to a picture of a blonde girl waving a baton in the air.

"Sam is that you?" He asked about the picture. "I know you were in pageants when you were younger."

"No, that's me actually." Melanie said, smiling. "I was the one who first wanted to do beauty pageants and when I left for school, our mom wanted Sam to take my place. Sam had the most adorable routine she used to do. She would dress up as a cowgirl and she had this dance she would do and sing country songs that she wrote. She really was the cutest thing!" Melanie gushed about her sister, making Sam scowl with embarrassment.

"Shut up!" Sam cried, winging a piece of bacon at her sister's forehead.

"Aw, Sam that's the sweetest-" Freddie started to say, smiling at her.

"Alright, Fredlumps, get out." Sam said harshly, shoving her chair away from the table and standing up.

"Sam, I-" Freddie started but Sam was shoving him out the front door before he could say anything else.

She was near growling with anger.

"Melanie, why would you tell him that?" Sam shouted at her sister.

"Because it was adorable!" Melanie said, smiling indulgently.

"It was humiliating!" Sam grumbled.

"I think you're over-reacting." Melanie said loftily, pouring orange juice into two cups. "What was Freddie doing here anyway? Did you two break up? The last time I was here, you were getting along so well."

"It's none of your business!" Sam exclaimed angrily before storming upstairs and rushing into the bathroom.

She peeled off her PJs and stepped into the shower, turning the water nearly as hot as it would go. She stood under the hot water for a minute before scrubbing the watermelon shampoo into her hair that she knew Freddie loved the smell of.

The last time Melanie had visited was that past Christmas. Freddie had finally figured out that Sam wasn't pulling a prank on him by inventing a twin sister. It had been a lot of fun for everyone and even Melanie wasn't as irritating as she usually was. And under the mistletoe Freddie has whispered that he actually been excited when Sam had lied to him all those years ago about him being right about the 'prank' because it had meant he had gone on a date and kissed Sam.

Sam rinsed off the shampoo and shut her eyes. She tried to be angry at Freddie, but she couldn't manage it. He wasn't the one to break off their relationship. And he certainly wasn't the one to mess it up in the first place. Last week, at Carly's graduation party, was when their relationship got all chizzed up.

She watched drops of water slide down her bare skin and remembered the night everything changed.

They had graduated from Ridgeway High mere hours ago and were partying at Carly's. Spencer had gone out with Socko and some other friends and Mrs Benson was at another over-protective parenting convention. The apartment was pulsing and throbbing from the beat of the music and the movement of many teenagers. It was after midnight when Freddie suggested getting some air.

"_We'll be right back, Carls!"_

He took her out to the balcony. Of course. It was their go-to place for anything serious or sentimental. They started making out, and it was getting heavy. His hands were in her hair and his lips were everywhere.

"_Sam..."_

He then paused and looked into her eyes. She could read the question there and nodded eagerly in response. He carried her back into the apartment and placed her on the bed. He turned off the lights. They had only the faint glow from the streetlights outside to guide them. They took it slow; it was the first time for both of them. She recalled the memory of his large, warm hands holding her waist and the way he had looked at her as if she was a piece of art.

"_I love you. I love you more than anything." _

She was expecting pain, but it was the good sort of pain. She had kissed him so hard, she was sure she left bruises. Afterwards, they had just held each other in the darkness. He had kissed her head as she leaned against his chest. She shut her eyes as he played with a blonde curl.

"_Freddie..." _

She was... she didn't know what she was. She felt elated and also sad for some reason. Their relationship had changed. The act of making love was the next step to any relationship. And she wasn't sure how she felt about that. It seemed like every day that passed, their relationship was growing stronger. They were so well suited to each other it scared her sometimes. She had so much fun arguing, kissing and just being with Freddie that she didn't want anything else. But after that night, she suddenly realized they were a serious couple. She knew that they would get married one day and have children and a life together. She didn't think she could handle it. This was no longer a fun, easy fling. This was a serious, grown-up relationship.

It frightened her. She was Pam Puckett's daughter and the idea of being in a committed relationship freaked her out. She would never admit, but she was scared – _so _scared – that he would realize he was better off without her and leave her. And the more serious they were, the more it would hurt when he finally did leave. And she knew he would eventually. She kept seeing the expression on her mother's face when she realized the man who had vowed to love her 'til death do they part had abandoned her. Sam knew love didn't last forever.

"_I have to go. I'm sorry." _

She panicked. She pushed away from him and was out of there as fast she could be. She hadn't even finished pulling on her shoes when she was racing out the door and down the hallway. She could hear him calling after her. That was the part that broke her heart. Hearing the confusion and shock and hurt in his voice was almost enough to make her go running back to him. But she couldn't. Not when she knew he was just going to leave anyway.

She was supposed to sleepover at Carly's that night and Sam knew her best friend would be pissed that she had bailed. But she couldn't deal with any of it at that moment and just went home to her rabid cat, Frothy.

She avoided his calls and emails for a week. She was nervous and awkward whenever she was around him, so she started to avoid him. When she found out her mom died, three days ago, she had finally broken up with him. Sam pressed a hand to her mouth so she wouldn't cry out. It hurt more than she thought it would. Losing Freddie, but also losing her mom. She and her mother were never close, but Sam knew that Pam cared for her and Sam cared for her in return. Hell, she might've even loved her mother. Sam just wanted it all to go away.

A sudden pounding on the door made her realize she had been in the shower long enough to make the water run cold.

"Sam!" Her sister shouted through the door. "I need to shower too!"

Sam wrapped herself in a thin, white towel that her mother had stolen from a motel and walked passed her twin without even looking at her.

Sam dressed quickly in skinny jeans, a plain black t-shirt and a purple sweater. She dragged a brush through her hair and looked about her room. It was light purple with indigo and violet butterflies painted on the walls near the ceiling. Her dad had painted her and Melanie's rooms three months before he vanished into thin air. Sam had a double bed that she hardly ever made with a black comforter and dark purple sheets. Her walls were covered in band posters and pictures stuck on with sticky-tack. The wooden floor was barely seen through a thick carpet of clothes. Her room was a disaster and she was idly wondering if it was time she cleaned it when Melanie barged into her room.

"I'm going to the funeral home, do you want to come?" She asked forcibly, but also sadly.

Sam's twin was wearing pressed grey slacks and a knitted black sweater that was both fashionable and professional looking. Her hair was up in her signature preppy ponytail and she was wearing makeup and perfume. Sam also noticed a small gold cross hanging from her neck that she had never noticed before. Neither of the Puckett twins was all that religious. She was impressed at the speed her sister could get ready, but rolled her eyes at the outfit.

"No." She said shortly. She had absolutely no desire to think about anything involving her mother's death. She actually preferred to imagine it never happened. "And what's with the cross?" She said gesturing to Melanie's necklace.

Melanie brought her hand to her throat self-consciously.

"Oh," She said, startled. "My boyfriend gave it to me. He's very religious and I've started going to church with his family on Sundays."

"You have a boyfriend?" Sam asked. She was slightly abashed that she didn't know that. She had never really taken an interest in her sister's life before. She didn't even know her sister was going to church.

Melanie perked up at the mention of her boyfriend. "Yes! His name is Ben! Here, I can show you a picture."

She scurried into her own room and Sam followed her. Melanie's room looked exactly like Sam's, but her walls were painted pale pink with fuchsia and magenta butterflies. And of course, her room was freakishly neat. There was not a thing out of place. Sam was frowning at the weirdness of a clean room when Melanie proudly thrust a framed picture of a man at her.

Ben was nice looking. He was dark blonde hair and hazel eyes. He had glasses and a shy smile. He looked a little dorky but in the picture, he had his arms around Melanie and they both looked happy.

"Nice." Sam commented blandly. Melanie gave her a hurt look and Sam almost felt guilty – but then Melanie picked up her black leather Coach purse and hurried downstairs.

She called over her shoulder, "Are you sure you don't want to come with me? It would be better if we were both there!"

"I'm sure!" Sam shouted back. She heard the door click shut behind her sister. Sam expected to feel relieved that she finally had a second to herself, but instead she just felt... lonely.

Melanie found Sam an hour later sprawled across the couch with a bucket of fried chicken on her lap and a Celebrities Underwater rerun on TV.

"So it's been decided that mom's funeral will take place tomorrow at two in the afternoon followed by a classy reception here. I decided on lilies for the flowers, is that okay? And I had to give them a picture of mom, so I gave the one from our fifth birthday, do you remember? This place is a mess; we will have to clean it before tomorrow afternoon. Sam, get your feet off the coffee table!"

Melanie said all of that very fast without waiting for a reply from her sister. She ran over to the broom closet and pulled out some cleaning supplies. Then Melanie ran upstairs into jeans and a pink t-shirt. She was back downstairs in an instant and standing with her hands on her hips glaring at Sam.

"What?" Sam muttered, knowing where this was headed.

"I need you to help me clean the living room and kitchen up." Melanie said. "The upstairs really needs to be cleaned as well, but we won't have time before tomorrow afternoon, so we will have to do it some other time."

"No." Sam said bluntly, standing up to go back to her pleasantly messy bedroom.

Melanie grabbed her arm. She stared at Sam with eyes that were so similar to her own, and said firmly but also sadly, "She was your mother too."

She handed Sam a rag and the Windex and instructed to clean the windows. Melanie herself was working with the stain remover on the chilli stain.

"I don't know why we're going to so much trouble." Sam muttered angrily. She _wanted _to be angry at her mother; that way it wouldn't hurt so much that she was dead.

"Stop, Sam." Melanie said quietly.

"I mean, it's not like she went to as much trouble for us. Ever!" Sam continued, ignoring how her sister flinched and had tears in her eyes. "She was just some stupid slut that drank too much and-"

"STOP IT, SAM!" Melanie suddenly screamed. Sam jumped. She couldn't remember that last time her sweet sister ever shouted so angrily at her. "Just stop! I know you're upset and I know you're trying to hide it! You always do this! You always back off when things get tough! Is that what happened with Freddie?"

Melanie had tears running down her face but also looked slightly desperate.

"You don't know what you're talking about." Sam said warningly.

"I know _you _Sam." Melanie said. "And I know you're not half as tough as you pretend to be. I also know that you loved mom and it's killing you that she's gone." Melanie's voice became softer. "You don't always have to be the strong one."

It was that comment that made Samantha Puckett burst into tears and cling to her sister like she hadn't done for years. She ended up blubbering out the whole story about Freddie to Melanie while Melanie made soothing noises and stroked her hair. And while she was confessing secrets, she also said that she _did _love their mother and wished she hadn't died.

"I know, Sam." Melanie said softly. "I know."

Sam wiped her eyes with her sleeve, embarrassed to be acting this way.

"With Freddie... did you use, um," Melanie blushed and lowered her voice, "protection?"

"You're such an innocent." Sam snorted. "But yes, we did."

"Had you been drinking?" Melanie asked, looking scandalised at the very thought.

Sam thought for a minute, "We each had about two beers, but we weren't drunk."

"Did he... pressure you into anything?" Melanie asked awkwardly, lowering her gaze.

"No!" Sam exclaimed loudly. "It was definitely mutual."

"Then I think you need to talk to him." Melanie advised. "I know you're scared, but you need him."

"I can't." Sam mumbled, wiping her tear stained face.

Melanie sighed but said no more on the topic. A little while later, she said with her eyes locked firmly on the shelf she was dusting, "She wasn't all bad you know." At Sam's questioning look, she elaborated. "Mom. She had her good moments."

"True." Sam said thoughtfully. "Remember the time she tried to make us milkshakes?"

Melanie let out a laugh like silver bells ringing that once made Sam's teeth clench, but now made her smile. "And we got strawberry milkshake all over the ceiling? I think that stain is still there!"

"It is." Sam agreed, smirking. "Or the time we walked to the convenience store to buy milk. It started to rain on the way home-"

"And she had us dance the rest of the way!" Melanie finished Sam's sentence easily. Sam had forgotten that they used to do that. "She was moonwalking, remember? She said she looked like Michael Jackson, but it just looked like she was having a muscle spasm!"

"She said there was no better time to break out dancing than in the pouring rain." Sam said quietly. She felt an odd surge of sadness. She looked up to see her feelings mirrored on her twin's face. Melanie smiled in a quirky sort of way, to make her sister grin again.

"You weren't there, but when I was about thirteen or fourteen I had this boyfriend named Jonah." Sam said softly. "He was a real chizz-head; he tried to kiss Carly. I came home very upset and angry that night and I saw Mom just sitting on the couch looking the same way I felt. Apparently, her boyfriend had just broken up with her as well. He was a plumber."

Melanie nodded seriously. The two girls were sitting on the carpet, that was now back to its original pale blue thanks to a good cleaning. Melanie gestured for Sam to continue so she did.

"Mom ended up making this pretend spa for us." Sam said, half-smiling sadly. "She said there was nothing better than a spa getaway to heal a broken heart. We lit candles and made face masks and gave each other pedicures and manicures. I was never really into all that girly stuff, but I had to admit it was a lot of fun. We ate about a gallon of triple chocolate ice cream and watched chick flicks all night."

They were both silent for a minute before Melanie said, "Mom was so weird. She could make anything fun. I miss her."

Sam nodded. "Me too." She whispered.

They smiled ruefully at each other than burst out laughing. It was strange because they were sobbing at the same time. They were hysterical for a few minutes before Melanie caught her breath and poked her sister in the ribs.

"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Melanie asked mischievously.

As usual, Sam was. They walked down to the convenience store and bought a tub of triple chocolate ice cream. They moonwalked back home and curled up on the couch underneath a blanket their mother had stolen from a homeless woman. They watched _When Harry Met Sally _and shoved the sweet ice cream into their mouths by the spoonfuls.

The movie was nearly done; Melanie was leaning her head against Sam's shoulder. The empty ice cream container lay at their feet and night had fallen. It was the scene where Harry had run across New York City to find Sally at the New Year's Eve party. As their eyes met, Melanie murmured, "Mom used to look like that."

"Before Dad left." Sam agreed.

Meg Ryan had the same sweet face and thick blonde hair that Pam Puckett once had. But when their dad left, Pam cut her pretty hair and suddenly became a whole lot meaner. She was more like Melanie, in disposition, than Sam but once her husband had gone, hurt and anger transformed her. She was quick to anger and had more unsavoury hobbies. She drank and picked up losers from bars. She was neglectful towards Sam and never seemed to care as much as she should. She was focused solely on her ex-husband, who (Sam figured out) had left her for a much younger woman. She seemed to want to 'get back' at him by being with as many men as possible and acting much younger than she really was. It hurt her daughters and embarrassed them. But every once in a while they caught a glimpse of the old Pam.

"I think you're a lot like her, Sam." Melanie said softly. Sam looked startled, but knew her sister didn't mean it as an insult.

Teachers and counsellors had often warned Sam she would 'end up just like her mother!' if she didn't start studying for tests or stop making out with Freddie in the girl's bathroom during math. Sam had been hurt, because she knew they were thinking about how Pam wasn't the most upstanding citizen. Secretly, Sam worried she _would _end up like her mother. Pam had had her daughters when she was just eighteen in the back of a taxi cab. She drank too much and was kind of loose. She worked as a cashier at McDonald's and was getting fired and re-hired every other week. They never had enough money to pay the bills and she was constantly getting into trouble with the police. Sam didn't want that to be her life as well. But Melanie wasn't talking about that part of Pam.

"You're so... electric." Melanie said, almost wistfully. "You make people notice you wherever you go. You always know how to have fun. Mom was the same way. I wish I were more like you two."

Sam was shocked. She would never have guessed her perfect sister had ever wanted to be like her. Melanie smiled again and patted her knee.

"I'm going to go to bed." She got and up and said. She paused at the doorway. "Can I stay in your room again?"

Her puppy-dog eyes made Sam groan but agree. Melanie cheered and ran upstairs to change into her pajamas. The sisters crawled into bed and promptly fell fast asleep.

Melanie was shaking Sam awake too early for her liking. They had to get cleaned up and get to the funeral parlour by two. Melanie had taken care of the invitations already. Sam took her time getting out of bed. Downstairs, she could hear Melanie cooking something. She hoped it was ham.

It wasn't. Melanie was making appetizers and finger foods for the reception. She was already dressed in a charcoal grey pleated miniskirt, a three-quarter length black knit sweater, black tights, black mary-janes and had a pearl bracelet on her wrist. She was wearing a ponytail again as well as the gold cross necklace. Sam was about to comment on the outfit, but when Melanie turned around Sam could read the anxiety and grief in her eyes.

"Why aren't you dressed yet?" Melanie all but shrieked at her.

"I'm hungry!" Sam snapped back.

"Make yourself a bowl of cereal of something," Melanie said impatiently, "We need to be there early."

Sam made faces at her sister behind her back but nonetheless ate quickly. She borrowed a black dress from Melanie because she didn't own anything formal. The dress was a little too short for a funeral and since she didn't have any heels, she had to wear her Chuck Taylors.

She slouched in the first pew of the funeral hall as Melanie stood in the doorway and greeted the guests. Everyone wore the standard black or grey clothing and sombre expressions. Sam glared at them. They don't care, she though spitefully. They weren't the one to lose everything. They have no idea how I feel.

Then she saw Freddie walk in. He was wearing a black suit and a white button down and slender black tie. He was perfectly clean shaven and immaculately ironed as usual. Sam's breath caught in her throat. For an instant, she had the sudden urge to be held by him and take in his familiar scent of cologne and soap. He would know the right things to say and do. He would by her bacon flavoured ice cream and eat it with her while she threw things at hobos. He would tell her everything was going to be alright and she would believe him. Because it was him who told her and Freddie never lied.

He looked up from hugging Melanie in condolence and his dark eyes met her blue ones. She dropped her gaze immediately. She didn't want to look at him. Spencer and Carly followed him in. Spencer was wearing a suit as well, but his looked slightly wrinkled, as if he had just thrown it on while he was working on a sculpture. Carly was beautiful in a way Sam could never be. Carly was delicate and classy with snow white skin, black hair and eyes and red lips. She saw Sam sitting alone and hurried over to sit in the pew behind her. The first one was for family only.

"Hey, Sam," Carly said slowly, as if soothing a rabid beast.

"Hey," Sam muttered.

Carly opened her mouth to say something else, but Pam's sisters Darla and Tina had plopped down next to Sam.

"How ya doin' hun?" Darla asked her compassionately. Darla was a frumpy, plump woman with hairspray-sticky blonde hair that was teased up in a tacky fifties style. She wore ugly, orthopaedic nurse shoes and a too-tight black skirt. Her husband, Leroy was sitting next to her and grinned at Sam with a smile full of yellow, imperfect teeth. He had a gross comb over and a beer belly.

"Swell," Sam grumbled under her breath. She crossed her arms over her chest and sunk in lower in her seat.

Darla patted her arm with her chubby fingers and said, "I cried buckets when I heard what happened to Pammy. But she's with the Lord now, so we should think of her in a better place."

Sam rolled her eyes. She had nothing against religion; it was her aunt's fake southern accent that annoyed her. Leroy was from Texas, and when Darla married him she moved back there with him, adopting an accent to fit in with him.

"I only wish Lorraine, Trace, Dixie and Ned could be here!" Darla continued. "But it was too expensive to buy plane tickets for us all."

Sam and Melanie's cousin Lorraine was a year older and had a new boyfriend every other week. She had long, curly blonde hair like Sam and Melanie and had been sneaking out to meet boys since she was thirteen. Trace was fifteen and his greatest joy in life was throwing spiders at Lorraine and Melanie to make them scream. Until Sam beat him, that is. Dixie was twelve and all she ever talked about was horseback riding. Apparently, she was some kind of champion. Sam wasn't sure though, she never listened to her. And Ned was eight. He was in trouble at least twice a day and loved pranking his family. Sam didn't see them that often, only about once a year.

"I think you're being so strong, Sam," Tina said from Sam's other side. "You're holding up so well. Keep it up!"

Tina was short like all the Puckett women but had a mega-watt smile and was super slim with a preppy blonde bob. She was a personal trainer and lived in California with a millionaire husband who was a heart surgeon. She was freakishly cheerful and was never seen without a broad grin on her slim face. Her husband, Brad was focused on his Blackberry and didn't seem to realize that you don't email at a funeral. On Brad's other side sat Rebecca, Tina's daughter. She was twenty-one and in university to be an interior designer. She was very bossy and while Melanie was quite close to Tina, neither of the twins liked Rebecca. Not since she broke her mother's lamp when the girls were four and she was seven and blamed it on Sam.

Finally, everyone was seated and Melanie was squeezing in the pew between Sam and Tina. The minister or whatever he was got up at started droning on and on about who knows what. Sam was lost in thought staring at the picture at the front of the church. A sleek black casket lay underneath a bouquet of lilies beside the minister. Sam refused to think about what was inside of it. On a stand was a blown up picture of Sam and Melanie's fifth birthday. They were on either side of Pam and were grinning at the camera, the glow of the birthday candles lighting up their faces. The cake was in the bottom of the shot, pink frosting with chocolate cake. Pam was young and beautiful in the picture with thick, shoulder length hair the colour of gold. Her tawny eyes were twinkling with happiness and love. She had smooth, clear skin with the beginnings of smile lines around her eyes. Her hair was slightly messy (as it always was) and fell in her face in loose curls. Her daughters were on either side of her, Sam laughing and showing off a missing front tooth and Melanie smiling like a princess at their father as he was taking their picture.

Sam felt a tightening in her chest as she remembered that birthday. Their father, with his loud laugh and mischievous blue eyes, had twirled their mother around the kitchen and bought them a swing set for their birthday. He had sung Happy Birthday the loudest and made the cake himself. He had picked Sam up and flew her around the room and called her Super Girl. Pam had laughed so hard, she had tears in her eyes. She stroked Melanie's hair as she watched her husband and daughter playing. She had kissed Sam on the cheek and hugged her so tight; she thought her ribs would break. Everyone was happy. No one was drunk or missing. No bills were late. That was around the last time she ever felt so blindly happy, so free.

And before she knew it, she was pushing past her family in the pew and running outside. She couldn't do this. She couldn't take it anymore. She could hear shocked murmurs and someone calling her name, but she didn't stop. She was grateful she was wearing her Chucks and not heels; they carried her feet off the ground all the way to the park she had played at as a child. She collapsed on an empty bench that was slick from the morning's rain and buried her face in her hands.

"Sam."

She lifted her head to see her ex-boyfriend standing barely five feet away from her with an anxious frown on his face. He was a little out of breath, like he'd run after her and his hair was mussed from the wind.

"Please go away," Sam begged, not even caring how weak she sounded, "Please. I can't deal with this right now."

Instantly, he was on the bench next to her.

He reached out to touch her, but thought better of it and pulled his hand away.

"Sam... I am so sorry for everything that has happened to you that wasn't fair," He said, "You deserve so much better than the life you were given. You deserve to be waited on hand and foot and given as much ham as you want. You deserve to never be afraid or unhappy. You deserve to be always laughing. I just want you to know that."

"Why are you being so nice to me?" Sam asked her voice thick with tears. "I broke up with you, remember?"

"Sam, I love you," Freddie said with no hesitation, "I will always be there when you need me."

And then Sam was clinging to his fancy suit jacket and sobbing. The makeup that Melanie had so meticulously applied to her sister was no running down her face in a thick black stream. And not once did Freddie complain. He never pushed her away and left because why should he comfort the girl who broke his heart? He stayed with her and held her and told her everything was going to be okay. And for once in her life, she believed that not everyone was going to leave her. She discovered that she could trust Freddie not to abandon her when something better came along. And even though she was still defensive and had walls up, she knew that someone cared enough to climb them.

"I'm so sorry," Sam said honestly, "I love you too."

Freddie kissed her. Sam tasted her own tears and the minty gum Freddie had been chewing and it was pure bliss.

They walked back to the Puckett residence holding hands. Melanie was standing in the kitchen with their Aunt Darla and Aunt Tania and their cousin Rebecca, as well as a few other female relatives. Casseroles covered every inch of the countertops and Melanie was desperately trying to fit them all in the fridge. Their Uncle Brad and Uncle Leroy and a few other men were sitting in the living room, clearly uncomfortable with the amount of grief in the air.

Melanie paused when she saw Sam walk in. Carly hurried over to them.

"Where have you been?" She hissed, "You left in the middle of the funeral! We were worried sick!"

"I'm sorry, it was my fault," Sam said. Carly blinked in confusion, she was unused to Sam apologizing. "I have just been feeling really chizzy ever since my mom died and I was taking it out on both of you."

Carly was still stunned by she quickly pulled her best friend into a hug, "Oh Sam, I'm sorry too!"

Sam felt Freddie's strong arms wrap around both her and Carly and she moved into his chest.

She heard heels clicking against the tile floor and looked up to see her sister hurrying towards them.

Sam pushed away from her friends and pulled her sister aside.

"Melanie, I'm really sorry about the way I've treated you for the past twelve years," Sam said in a low voice, so the guests wouldn't hear her, "You're my sister and... I love you."

Melanie gasped and yanked her sister in for a tight hug.

"Oh, Sammy!" She cried, "I really want us to be close again! I love you too!"

Sam put up with the hug for another ten seconds before she was squirming away. She was glad she had apologized to all the people in her life, now she could start fresh again. Melanie went back to the kitchen and Sam knew that they had much more to catch up on. She agreed with what Melanie said about being close again, it would be nice to have her sister around. They would have to decide what they were doing with the house at some point and where Sam would stay since she wasn't going to university like her sister. They would have to come to terms together with their dad leaving, and not shove it under the rug like last time. They could handle their grief over their mother's death together. It wouldn't be fast and easy, repairing their relationship, but it would be worth it.

Freddie smiled at her and she felt her heart skip a beat. He was standing at the back of the kitchen with Spencer and her Uncle Brad. He was politely carrying on a conversation with her obnoxious uncle, and was keeping Spencer from getting too hyper. She felt a great rush of love for him. Even though they were technically back together, she knew they as well would have a lot to talk about. He would want to know why she shut him out to begin with and what their relationship was now that they had had sex and he was going off to university. But for once, she wasn't afraid. She didn't carry with her a constant worry that he was going to leave her. Even though she was still cautious, she was learning to trust again.

**A/N thank for reading! I worked really hard on this, so it would be really cool of people reviewed! Who else is excited for iLove You tonight? Have a great day guys! **


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